Drowning in Nostalgia

Recently, a group on facebook has become popular with people I knew "back in the day" that pretty much chronicles the misadventures of our lives ten plus years ago.  Now, I'm all one for a little bit of nostalgia and "My, wasn't life awesome before I had to be responsible for two small things that need me to have my shit together?"  It's a little sad, because there are lots of people who are gone who made the world a little bit brighter.  Mostly though, there are a lot of the rose colored glasses we put on when looking at the past and talk of reunions and reconnecting.  The myth that we were so much happier when we were younger.  I do call it a myth, because I fell into this a little the past couple of days.

Then I had a revelation:  It really wasn't all that great.  I mean, I had great friends and good times.  I also had an extreme amount of drama that even a drama queen like me couldn't handle.  I think it's human nature to put the past in this snow globe and go, "Awwwwwwwwwww, remember when things were easier?"  Here's my answer, things weren't easier.  They were just different.

Me personally, I wouldn't go back to that if I was given the choice.  I would never go back to being the insecure wreck that I was.  Half the time, I didn't know who I was.  I'd go maybe a week thinking maybe I'd figured it out, but in the end it was just another form of me running away.  In all honesty, I was miserable.  I was a cutter, I tried to commit suicide more than once and I was fighting with an eating disorder.  The people I hung out with were a lot of the same.  We were a bunch of lost kids, looking for something to believe in, and we found each other.  We probably saved each other's lives more than once.

Here's the kicker, though.  We've gotten married, we've had kids, we've found careers, we've grown up.  I, for one, know that I've found a balance and peace I never thought I'd find back in those days.  I know that I don't speak for everyone, because at the end of the day I can only speak for myself, but I don't want to go back there.  The people who are meant to still be in my life, are.  I'd be happy to reconnect with some people, but in general, the past is the past and it's done it's job to make us who we are.  There's no reason to try and go back and recreate a magic that (if it ever was there) is gone.  So maybe it's time to be thankful for what you had, have and will have tomorrow and leave it at that.

RIP Downtown SR.

The Problem with Blogging and Me...

I kind of suck at keeping up with these things.  In case no one noticed.  Part of it is, I really, really want to say something and at the end of the day, there isn't always an immense amount of deep to say.

Things are okay-ish.  They're very steady.  There isn't enough money, of course.  But we're managing and we're kind of getting through it.  We're not evicted yet so that's always a positive.  Kids are good and full of much age appropriate difficulties and cuteness at the same time.  Evan is finally adjusted to school and Seraphina is potty training at an astounding rate so there's always that.

Things with the boy are good.  Very steady.  I sometimes wonder if he's in it for the long haul, but I think that's just 30 plus paranoia that I'm putting time into something that he's not 100% into.  Even though I know he is, some days I don't.  Which probably doesn't make a whole lot of sense unless you know me WAY too well.

I'm totally going to try and post more.  Because I need to.  For my own sake as much as anything else.  I need coffee before I do much else though...